AWARENESS IN EVERYDAY LIFE
In spite of the different reasons for which we decide to start seeing a therapist, we all have in common this positive intention and interest for getting to know ourselves better and creating our lives in a way that will be fulfilling for us. Looking at ourselves from this perspective, enables us to get to know ourselves, to revive the parts of ourselves that had no chance to be lived out before, and to manifest these parts in our everyday life. It is this aspect – living our own self from the core of our being, and following the needs of our hearts and our truths – that could make us feel truly fulfilled.
However, the extent to which a person will transfer the experience of self-development to his/her everyday life is closely related to the strength of their intention. It is the people with a healthy intention to creatively experience and integrate this in their everyday life, who achieve the deepest changes.
Contrary to this, achieving practical changes is slower for people with damaged intention and personal will. The state of our intention largely depends on experiences that we had with our parents and early authorities when we were children. The part referring to the early experiences, especially early childhood, is connected with the level of healthy support that the child received in the period when it was developing its no, that is, when it opposed the external authority. This is usually the period of early socialisation, around the age of two, when children learn to walk and run, and their vocabulary becomes large enough to enable them to clearly express and verbalise their discomfort and dissatisfaction. Unreasonable or harsh breaking of the child’s will in this age may also cause damage to a healthy aspect of the child’s intention, which is later reflected in the adult life. This results in the feeling of guilt, inferiority complex, shame, insecurity and fear of confrontation. Such childhood traumas do not remain in our conscious memory, but in the implicit body-memory as reactive mechanisms imposing restrictions on our ability to act and stand up for ourselves as adults.
Due to different states of will and intention, in working with a person we put an emphasis on different issues. In case of damaged intention we build up a confrontation capacity of a person, which includes working on frustration, aggression and fear of confrontation due to which the person gives up on him/herself. In this respect, we often start from the very foundations of personality, from the regressive emotions corresponding to a one-year-old, and then gradually work our way up towards adulthood.
Individual work with a therapist is also required due to the fact that avoiding discomfort is in human nature. It is typical for a child’s ego to avoid and supress pain and discomfort, and to persist in creating defence strategies in order to avoid them in future. By avoiding the feelings of earlier unpleasant or painful experiences we prevent our subsequent emotional development. The ability to cope with the certain emotion, to allow ourselves to feel that emotion, to express it or keep it inside ourselves without expressing it, if so decided, empowers our emotional self, that is, our ability to control our emotions, as opposed to letting our emotions control us. This is a natural way of growing up and reaching the spiritual maturity.
If we are afraid of our own suppressed aggression, we will also be afraid of our own strength. If we are afraid of pain, we will also be afraid of our capacity to enjoy. If we are afraid of sorrow, we will also be afraid of our need, and if we are afraid of our need, we will also be afraid of our own fulfilment. If we are afraid of being direct, we will not dare to enjoy any kind of pleasure and we will have to hide it.